A Guide to Not Gifting
This week I'm burning cookies, reckoning with my productivity guilt, saying R.I.P to Doughseph and sharing how my family broke free of holiday gifting. Plus a recipe for Cauliflower Soup.
Since I skipped last week I seem to have queued up some extra thoughts to share. Thanks for being here for me to share them with.
About last week….
I felt like I hit a wall, and couldn’t bring myself to sit down and write. Then, I spent a good part of Sunday feeling guilty about it. I tried baking cookies to turn my bad mood around, and ended up dropping a bag of flour from the highest shelf to the floor (it burst) and then I burnt the cookies, solidifying my grumpy state.
After trying to walk off my gloom, I came home to my guy telling me, “these cookies are really good!” which felt like a thinly veiled lie given their appearance. But then he kept eating them, so I tried a bite and somehow despite the burnt stink they came out of the oven with, they were indeed delicious, albeit nothing like what I was aiming for. They were extra crispy, but had the lovely toasted sugar flavor that a roasted marshmallow has. After breaking them into pieces we ended up eating them all.
I noticed a trend this past week of others pointing out that they’ve been struggling a bit with the short days too. They shared those struggles through images of their own busted flour bags, and baking gone awry. It wasn’t just me.
I spent a lot of time reflecting on my productivity guilt though, because intellectually I know it isn’t warranted. I started this newsletter for pleasure, not work. But last week it felt like work so I didn’t do it. Why do we feel a need to apologize or ask permission to take a much needed break?
Perhaps it’s because we live in a culture that commodifies joy and relaxation? Just maybe?
We are currently in the most highly commodified, commercialized, capitalized season of the year, and while we’re also still in the midst of a deadly Pandemic holiday shopping has not been put on hold.
Holiday shopping is STRESSFUL. And that’s before adding all of the layers of 2020 specific stress. It’s expensive, and time consuming, and usually requires some kind of emotional acrobatics to get everyone something that they’ll like, and on time to boot.
I love giving and receiving gifts as much as anyone, but a few years ago my family decided to do away with shopping for each other and we haven't looked back.
Growing up my sister and I were always blessed with a very full tree on Christmas morning, and when we starting making our own little money we both loved being able to gift each other and our parents as many wrapped boxes as possible. It was fun; until it wasn’t.
As we got older, we started providing specific lists of things we wanted to make the shopping easier on each other. But it’s Catch-22 because it takes away the element of surprise for the receiver, as well as some of the pats on your own back for finding the perfect gift. There are so many other wonderful things to enjoy this time of year it feels ashame to spend that time in shops.
It’s now been several years since we’ve exchanged any gifts at Christmas, and I know I can speak for everyone when I say that we do not miss it one bit and we actually enjoy the holiday season more now.
If you have ever considered this very untraditional (and maybe unpopular) approach but it makes you feel like Scrooge McDuck, here are a few tips to transition out of Commodified Christmas:
Talk to Everyone in Your Gifting Circle: Let people know that you’re planning to make some changes. This year has been especially difficult on finances and you’re likely not the only person in your group who could benefit from saving some of the money you normally spend on gifts. Decide together what works best for everyone, making sure you’re all on the same page so there aren’t any awkward, uneven gift exchanges.
Cut Back First: Before we gave up gifting altogether, we set limits on the amount of gifts given. You can also set a budget for everyone to adhere to or try the Secret Santa method where everyone only buys for one person.
Give Homemade Cookies: I know many are overwhelmed by the amount of sweets that surface for the holidays, so if you aren’t keen on giving baked goods, try packing up the dry ingredients of your favorite cookie with a handwritten recipe so your loved one can bake them later. You can also mix and shape a cookie recipe up to the point of baking and gift it frozen instead. A handwritten note with baking instructions and a personal memory attached to the recipe is more heartwarming than a fancy box of chocolates.
Write a Thank You: A personalized, handwritten thank you note shouldn’t be underestimated. Thank a friend for your favorite shared 2020 moments (even if they’re digital); thank the teachers and essential workers in your life. Tell your mom and dad you love them (and why) in writing.
Gift Time Together: This time of year is a treasure trove of traditions to do together, which is part of the magic. Holiday shopping takes up so much time and energy, and you could be spending that time with the very people your searching for gifts for, Even if it's modified for 2020 circumstances, schedule some special time with the people you normally give to. Play board games. Share a drink. Go ice skating. Take a walk or drive around to look at Christmas lights.
Donate Time and/or Money: If you’re someone who truly enjoys giving reallocate your holiday budget to a charity or local food bank, or donate your time. 2020 has wreaked havoc in many lives and showing up to support your community is a noble way to give back if you can.
Tip Generously: If you consistently receive paid help from anyone in your life a holiday tip is always welcome. This includes doormen, babysitters, supers, cleaning people (personal chefs!). Also tip your servers even more, especially in NYC as indoor dining is scheduled to close down again on Monday.
Buy for the Kids: This is the obvious exception. They can’t buy whatever it is their hearts desire, and the joy and excitement of children opening presents on Christmas morning is a gift in itself.
What I’m Cooking
One positive productivity note of the last week is that I finally feel like I’m in a good groove with work. Naturally, that will be completely upended as everyone disperses for the holidays (including me) and everything will likely be reshuffled in the new year.
One of my recent Vegetarian Meal Preps was a Black Bean Burrito with Roasted Sweet Potato Wedges, Gnocchi in Romesco Sauce with Roasted Romanesco and Spinach, and Green Curry with Sweet Potato, Kale, and Chickpeas.
Something for Dinner
Beef Stew with Carrots, Celery & Turnips I made this recipe for a client a few weeks ago and nailed it. I am 100% not into “keto” or any of its predecessor diets so I used leftover mashed potatoes as a thickener for my stew. I cringe to even share a link to a blog titled “The Low Carb Life” because it is the antithesis to my own eating ethos, but nevertheless the recipe was good and flexible.
Roasted Garlic Cauliflower Soup (recipe below) I have been roasting a lot of garlic lately and it's been a great ingredient to toss into other dishes. I've also been making a lot of killer pureed soups for clients and have really been wanting my own, so I used the head of cauliflower that kept getting pushed around the fridge plus the garlic and a few other key soup ingredients.
Fridge Clearing Veggie Frittata I whisked up 12 eggs with a few handfuls of spinach, some peppers and onions, and a little bit of cheese. Frittatas are super versatile for ingredients and can be eaten at any meal.
Something Sweet
3 Ingredient Fudge from the Minimalist Baker As soon as I get up from this desk I’m going to try this recipe that is simply melted chocolate, nut butter (I’ll be using tahini) and honey.
R.IP. Weekly Bread
I admit to not taking proper care of Doughseph since well before moving to the new place, but I have been under the misguided impression that a sourdough starter kept in the fridge is a strong, hearty living thing that is nearly impossible to kill.
This week I took Doughseph out of the fridge to make another Bechamel Sauce and I was beyond saddened to see that he was covered in a pinkish liquid, the one color in sourdough starters where there’s no turning back. He lost his ability to ward off other bacterias, and with that my dreams of passing down my Pandemic Sourdough Starter went straight into the trash.
Recipe: Pureed Roasted Cauliflower Soup
Makes 2.5 quarts
The carrot will give the soup a light orange color. You can omit it if you want a white cauliflower soup.
Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 carrot, roughly chopped
1 rib celery, roughly chopped
2 shallots, diced
1 head cauliflower, roughly chopped
1 head roasted garlic*
1 quart chicken or vegetable stock
2 cups water
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons white miso paste
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 teaspoons salt
Instructions
Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the carrot, celery and shallots and cook for about 5 minutes. Add the cauliflower, stock and water cook covered for about 20 minutes, or until all of the vegetables can be easily pierced by a knife.
Transfer everything to a high speed blender and add the remaining ingredients. Blend until completely smooth. Add more water if the soup is too thick.
*To roast a head of garlic slice the whole head in half through the middle so the bottom cloves stay attached to each other. Try to hold the top half together so the cloves don’t tumble all over. Place the garlic on a piece of foil and carefully remove the top cloves, pour olive oil over the bottom half. Return the top cloves and pour more olive oil over the whole thing. Wrap the head in the foil.
Place on a baking sheet and roast at 400F for about 30 minutes. The cloves will be very soft and pop right out of their sleeves when it’s done. Be careful, it will be very hot to handle.
Thanks!
Thanks for spending part of your Sunday morning with me. If you try any of the recipes please share what you think in the comments or reply to this email, and tag me on Instagram! Let me know what you loved (or didn’t!) and how you made it your own. If you like this newsletter, please share it with a friend!